


Love

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dammit Jim, Dead Jim, Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Hurt Jim, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Confessions, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poor Sebastian, Post-Reichenbach, Sebastian has feelings, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 21:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You know, I think I could love you.”





	Love

_“You know, I think I could love you.”_

 

Those words were like a punch in the gut.

 

Not because he didn’t feel the same.

 

No, nothing like that.

 

It’s because he _did_.

 

He _did_  feel the same.

 

And it was too late.

 

 _The TV played quietly in front of them, some dumb superhero movie Jim_ insisted _on watching, but Sebastian wasn’t paying attention._

 

_His eyes were focused on Jim, who was laying against Sebastian’s side, with Sebastian’s arm wrapped around him._

_“You know, I think I could love you.” Jim had murmured. Sebastian had froze, his breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening. He cleared his throat with a cough, and furrowed his eyebrows._

_“I—What?” Jim heaved a sigh and rolled over into his back, looking up at Sebastian, his doe-eyes piercing into Sebastian’s._

_“I said,” He spoke slowly, “I think I could love you.”_

 

“I wish you hadn’t told me.” Sebastian muttered, a tear running down his face.

 

He had spent years thinking Jim didn’t feel the same. Years rejecting his own feelings to preserve his relationship with Jim, only to find out Jim felt the same way. Too late.

 

_“Goddamnit Jim, pick up your fucking phone.” He muttered angrily, one of his hands on the stirring wheel, the other holding his phone. He growled under his breath, and slammed on his breaks._

_“Hello?” A voice came through the phone._

_“Where is Jim?” Sebastian asked, hoping Jason would know. Jason was one of the snipers on his team. Jim had scheduled Jason to take Sebastian’s job, and Jim never did that._

_“You...You haven’t heard?” Jason’s voice was uncertain, and Sebastian hated it. He growled, gripped harder at the stirring wheel._

_“Heard what?” He snapped, and heard Jason swallow._

_“I’m sorry, Sebastian...”_

 

“You know what’s funny? Even now, I don’t think I could wish that i’d never met you.” Sebastian whispered, fingers ghosting across the smooth gravestone.

 

“You weren’t supposed to love me. I would’ve been,” He ran a hand across his face, his voice choking with tears, “I would’ve been able to handle that. Not this. God, not this.”

 

_“You...You love me?” Sebastian whispered, and Jim shrugged._

_“Maybe. I don’t know.” He replied, as if this wasn’t a big deal. As if Sebastian hadn’t spent years of his life thinking the man didn’t—_

_“I mean, I could. I really could.” Jim’s voice had dropped to a whisper, barely audible above the TV._

_“But...?” Sebastian trailed off, looking down at Jim, who was now staring blankly at the wall._

_“I can’t risk it. Love is a weakness.” Jim spoke, and Sebastian nodded, he didn’t say anything for a long moment._

_“I understand. I mean, hell. I’m kind of relieved. I don’t think I’d know what to do if,” He licked his lips, his body aching for a cigarette, “if you actually loved me. like i love you.”_

_“I...” Jim trailed off for a moment, lost in thought. “I’m afraid i do.”_

 

“How could you do that to me? How could you tell me you love me, and then leave me like that?” Sebastian spoke to no one, tears running freely now, wetting the gravestone.

 

_”You...You want me to move in with you?” Sebastian asked incredulously, to which Jim nodded, shrugging his shoulders._

_“Well obviously. You are my bodyguard, it makes sense.” Jim spoke as if Sebastian wasn’t currently have an internal war with himself._

_“Of...Of course, sir.” Sebastian stammered, his heart racing. The thought of being so close to Jim, even if it was just as his bodyguard, was thrilling._

_“I expect you to be at my place of residence by 9 sharp tomorrow.” Sebastian nodded, and turned on his heel, leaving the room quickly._

 

“I’m begging you, Jim. Please. *Please* don’t be dead. Please.” Sebastian lowered his voice, his eyes screwing shut as he cried.

 

“I love you.”


End file.
